Can I call you Dan? Whatever. I'm going to anyway. Dan, I think you need a little help. I've got to hope that your son's victim helped shed a glimmer of light on the absurdity of your mentality about rape, alcohol, and mistakes when she read her epic takedown of the rape culture that led to her being but a footnote in your son's 'promising' future. But, I do have my doubts. You see, your plea for leniency for your son shows an alarming disinterest in his victim. Such disinterest is probably indicative of a bigger problem of failing to hold him to any kind of consequences. It makes him even more deserving of prison in my opinion, but I'm not the judge.
You are worried about your son. I get it. I have two sons of my own. The idea of either of them in prison, even if they deserved it, would terrify me. It would break my heart. But you know what would break my heart more? The idea that I raised a rapist - that my child ruined the life of someone else. What would horrify me more is if that child, after physically assaulting someone, refused to accept responsibility for it and then dragged her through court to call her a lush and a whore. And, if one of my sons grew up to be this kind of horrible man, I would want to know what I had done wrong. Did you ever ask yourself that, Dan?
Did you ever wonder if your own actions, praises, entitlements made your son think it was okay to take what he wanted? Did you ever wonder if the 'success' you so obviously revered in your son made him think he was above the law? Above common decency?
How about this. Did you ever look at his victim and think to yourself, 'Wow. That poor woman is forever changed because of my son'? Did you ever consider telling your son to own up to what he did and save her the pain of trial? Did you ever tell your son to 'be a man', as they say, and admit that what he did was wrong - not just a drunken 'mistake'? Did you ever wonder what her father was thinking as the lawyer you hired further victimized her? Did you ever once think, 'maybe I should put a stop to this insanity'?
From what I can tell by your callous, tone-deaf plea is that the victim's life doesn't matter to you. The only thing that matters to you is your special snowflake. Your trophy of fertility. The amazing swimming star with 'promise'. A 20-minute mistake could ruin his life! Boo hoo. Rape is not a mistake. Assault is not a mistake. No, not even if you are drunk. In the world you must live in, boys are nothing but potential rapists, only a binge drinking night away from being a danger to society. If so, I'm very sorry you view your own gender that way. Lucky for the rest of us, it's not true. That's why kids can binge drink on college campuses every day without raping anyone.
And can I ask you...what kind of rapist does belong in prison? A poor one? A black one? One that can't swim fast? Which rapists are beyond help and which 'still have something positive to offer society'? Why is your son any more deserving of leniency than anyone else? Is it because he's been treated 'special' his whole life? Do you think maybe that's why he ended up a rapist at 19?
At the end of the day, you are part of the problem here. Your attitude and lack of awareness show an obvious and upsetting disregard for your son's victim. I worry about a society that can produce people with so little compassion. It should be no wonder that you raised someone who also lacks compassion.
But keep one thing clear if you remember nothing else: Your son is not a victim. There is a real victim here, and it's not a spoiled boy who lost his scholarships because he raped someone. Your son is a rapist. Not a drunk. Not a poor kid with bad judgment. A rapist. He deserves to be on that list for the rest of his life. He deserves to be in prison. Becuase that '20 minutes' took something irreplaceable from another person. That 20 minutes changed her life forever. And I believe, wholeheartedly, that if it were your son or daughter who'd been raped, that 20 minutes would mean a hell of a lot more to you.
Krystle Berger
46 comments:
Well said.
I second every word!
I hope he gets to read this, and it somehow registers in his brain. The entitlement attitude he displays is appalling!! And the total lack of compassion for the victim of his rapist son is despicable! Thank you for writing this, and for sharing it with us.
Excellent! Thank you!
Very well said. stanford is known for the sweeping under the carpet. if this does to, are starts to go in that direction, there HAS to be a way to petition on her behalf. his note ripped my heart to shreds, and brought back some flashbacks. so on behalf of survivor. i thank you for speaking this. I am tearing up, seeing someone stand up on behalf of those that usually don't say anything. <3
If this young boy is going to learn to live in society without raping ever again he's going to have to learn that somewhere besides from his father.
Incredible well written and pointedly to the fact.
I hope the father reads this. If these things haven't occurred to him already then it's plain where the son's attitude stems from. He needs to accept some difficult truths, and give even a second of consideration and respect to the girl he makes no mention of in his letter. Thank you for this.
There is a difference between rape and college students acting stupidly.
There surely is. But taking a girl drunk past the point of consent behind a dumpster, shoving bottles and fingers inside her after she's completely passed out, and dry humping her naked body until two bicyclists see you running and getting your ass whipped and held for the cops...
I mean I went to college and I drank and acted stupid without doing any of that or having any of that happen to me. Because I never encountered a rapist there.
Bob, if you think what is actually rape is just 'college students acting stupidly' you are ALSO part of the problem.
Very, very well said. I worked at a University in student housing and student conduct for nearly 20 years. There were students binge drinking every night, but there were not rapes and sexual assaults every night. To witness the shell of a person when you are with the victim after they have been raped and/or assaulted is horrible. To sit across from the perpetrator who refuses to own up to their actions is something that caused considerable constraint from me, not that I would want to cause anyone physical harm, but I would want to unleash many fo the words and phrases you used above.
Rape doesn't only happen on college campuses, but campuses are required to report all of their statistics and data, no other entity does that. Rape happens and it's deplorable, further victimization of the victim is heartless and cruel. Yes, the perpetrator's life is forever changed, I cannot say that it isn't. But the perpetrator made a decision (whether under the influence of something or not) to engage in those behaviors, the victim did not.
Interesting enough in most, if not all states, a person under the influence cannot consent to have sex. That makes me wonder how many other times did dear old Brock commit this horrid act?
Last time I checked, someone not being able to consent to sexual relations, or someone who says no to sexual relations...and then is forceably sexually assaulted...yea, that's called RAPE. Its not called "someone making a mistake" "someone acting stupidly" or even "well she was wearing xyz so she was asking for it." Its called RAPE, its illegal, and its NOT ok. The young man who committed this crime, needs to be punished for said crime, because what he did will live with his victim for the rest of her life, and it only seems fair that he needs to live with the consequences of his actions for the rest of his life as well.
Outstandingly well written. Thank you!
Which do you think this was?
Great post. I wish you didn't have to make it. I wish people were decent.
Beautifully put.
You're totally right, the parents are just as responsible for the crime as the son because they raised him. The lack of concern for the victim is appalling and shows his disregard for others in society -- if he had a daughter who got raped by someone else's son he probably wouldn't be responding this way. I just hope Brock will actually realize the severity of his crime and change his thinking,
Yes.
Yes.
THANKS for writing what so many of us didn't know exactly how to articulate in such a manner as you have done!
Excellent message.
Having worked in sexual assault issues (I founded a sexual assault crisis intervention response team on a University campus), I can tell you there are no cases where rape is a "single, isolated event" on the part of the rapist. It doesn't work that way. For men who rape, they rape on the average of every 7-10 days, and that's regardless of whether or not they're single, have a girlfriend, or are married. It's who they are in the world. Period. Absolutely this guy has done this before, and without a doubt, he WILL do it again. He's got society's permission telling him what a great guy he is.
That last sentence says it all. Bravo.
EXACTLY ^^
Wonderfully written. I think everyone concerned should write a letter to the judge and the father. Shame on them! Shame on the boy!
Well said!
Well said!
Lets face it with a father making comments like these the son was bound to follow his lead and commit a heinous act (perhaps Dad's past needs a closer examination?). Not looking for vigilante justice here but as a sexual deviant he just might find out that many men in prison have mothers, wife's, sisters and daughters. So let's consider rapists (let's call a spade a spade) are looked down on extremely so let's hope he finds out what it's like to become someone's new "momma" and or turned out as the cell block bitch.
Incredibly well-written doesn't even begin to describe your letter. You are a riveting writer. Thank you so much for putting the time and effort into this letter to that appalling father. I have one question where is the mother in all of this
Can it be possible this 'Father' has a daughter? I hope and pray he does not.
"what kind of rapist does belong in prison? A poor one? A black one? One that can't swim fast?" Magic! In a nutshell you expose the core of this family's sense of entitlement and it's values. I bet this man will personally deliver ribeye to his son in the clink. Thank you for your words.
I have known many men who feel that using a woman's vagina without actual consent is just that--using a woman's vagina. It doesn't affect them, so why should it affect her. She should be grateful that she was "chosen" by them. I don't know if this attitude can ever be changed. It is so ingrained in their psyche that they truly don't see it as a crime. There are many "men" out there who were raised to believe that women are only on earth to be sexually available to them. Note Donald Trump's attitude toward women. It's the same mentality. His may be more of a put out or get out, but it's the same attitude. I'm 62 years old and have endured this social reality since my 20's. Please educate boys to understand that sex is not just having a place to ejaculate.
Bravo.
Caucasian male privilege and supremacy in full force and now you know. This type of injustice has been going on to women and people of color forever in this country smdh
Caucasian male privilege and supremacy in full force and now you know. This type of injustice has been going on to women and people of color forever in this country smdh
You have given me hope in this abyss of sanctioned violence and injustice thank you for your words
Thanks for writing this. Sharing your powerful words, and Jaiel Omari you are absolutely right
Thanks for writing this. Sharing your powerful words, and Jaiel Omari you are absolutely right
I rape as much as I want. Been like that my whole life. But...I dont want to rape so the amount I choose is 0. Pretty easy maths right there. This guy who made a 20 min mistake needs to have a black guy with a 13 inch dong rape him for 20 min and c how it changes the way he thinks. He wants to act like a victem, give him a reason and lets show him the mental damage this thing creates
But he is no longer enjoying snacks! Barely touching his steak!!! Hasn't he suffered enough?!?
Embarrassing. Ludicrous. To set that side by side with the horrendous suffering of the pampered little monster's victim. Like father, like son, a pair of wholly self serving pricks without a shred of decency or humanity, isolated by their own privilege within their shallow lives dedicated to little more than the pursuit of their own success and pleasure, part of a wide swath of population that minimizes rape in their minds so much so that they think of rape as giving a woman something she ultimately wants, "she liked it", but maybe just not right then. The horror, the violation, the powerlessness is something they cannot even seem to conceptualize.
How to value and teach empathy in a system that rewards a lack thereof?
Anonymous, do you have a point to make? It seems like you might be trying to be cute by asking "Which do you think this was?" (if read generously), but I (as a rape survivor) do not take such a kind view. That dichotomy was a literary one, set up quite obviously by the author on the way to discuss a crime. Nobody except a privileged, amoral twat could begin to couch the attack as "stupid drunken college behavior." Are you the attacker, one of his apologists, or one of countless bro clones who'll doubtless be emulating his actions (whether avenging him or just because you can GET AWAY WITH that any given Thursday through Saturday - who can say?), or worse...are you a female who is trying to reason it away, saying #notalldrunkfratpartiez?
Anonymous, do you have a point to make? It seems like you might be trying to be cute by asking "Which do you think this was?" (if read generously), but I (as a rape survivor) do not take such a kind view. That dichotomy was a literary one, set up quite obviously by the author on the way to discuss a crime. Nobody except a privileged, amoral twat could begin to couch the attack as "stupid drunken college behavior." Are you the attacker, one of his apologists, or one of countless bro clones who'll doubtless be emulating his actions (whether avenging him or just because you can GET AWAY WITH that any given Thursday through Saturday - who can say?), or worse...are you a female who is trying to reason it away, saying #notalldrunkfratpartiez?
Thank you for saying so well what a lot of people thought. When the reaction of Dan Turner was known, the whole planet knew from where Brock took the right to take someone else's life. Unknown said she was a survivor, then let it be known that no one that's been rape can continue their lives like nothing happened. It does transforms a life, and not always nicely. If men would know how much damage it does create for that "20 minutes"... In the very ancient law codes, rape was dealt with like murder. I wish every so often, it would still be the same today.
This letter was well written and zeroed in on the key points of all the rage that people are feeling because of this case. The judge, Aaron Persky, should be ashamed of himself as well for such a light sentence for such a horrific crime. White Male Privilege is still strong in America.
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